Crush on You to Improve Your Worldview
When you fall in love with someone else, you crush on everything about him or her. They can do no wrong, even their shortcomings are adorable. Why is it that we can’t cut ourselves this kind of slack and crush on ourselves, to the point where we’re not narcissistic, but yet, we’re enjoying a healthy sense of self-esteem?
Try this: all of the questions you’d toss out at “Mr. Right” on a first date, for example…can you answer them in terms of yourself?
This sounds like a dumb question, but consider this….
Some women will memorize the lines of a guy’s favorite song, take up macramé just because he thinks it’s trendy and cool, and dye their hair to match the shade Mr. Right likes the most…but if those women are asked what their own faves are, some of them go blank.
Ridiculous.
SO how ridiculous are you? Put yourself to the test and answer all of the questions you’d put to someone else.
See, when your goal is to woo…YOU, you crush on everything about yourself, which means discovering (or RE-discovering) what you love, what matters to you, etc.
You know, the important things in life.
This does involve some soul-searching, to be sure. What do you respect, admire and desire? Write it down, type it up, journal extensively about it…whatever works for you, just work it!
Don’t blow this off!
When you’re solid about the qualities you want to see in yourself, it’s easy to find them in someone else. Why? Your subconscious mind is on the lookout for things that match with what’s already important to you, what’s already burned into your subconscious mind.
That’s why “what you focus on is what you’ll tend to manifest.” Your brain has a hard time focusing on everything that it encounters simultaneously, so it filters out anything it can. It leaves behind only what you define as important. Keep in mind, what’s important to you should resonate with your WHY and your S.M.A.A.R.T. goals so that you can keep moving forward in a productive, positive way in your life.
So, while it’s nice to say “opposites attract,” be aware of the fact that most times they don’t! You want to crush on someone who’s obsessed with all of the things YOU are, because, hey, then everyone’s happy! Nobody’s trying too hard! It’s easy to keep conversation going on about X because you’re both into it! The connection is stronger and feels more genuine.
So wooing…YOU…makes it easy for you to woo someone else down the road.
But you can’t build the house of your future love life on a cracked foundation, which currently consists of your shattered sense of self-esteem. Right now, you have to shore that foundation up and get it solid by crushing on all that makes up you.
How to do that?
Again, be open to being excited about all of the things that make you, well, you, in the first place. When thinking about these things, your own rights, wants and needs are important places to start.
Be willing to be the president of your own fan club. Seriously, it’s your choice to be happy with yourself or to be bone-crushingly sad about yourself.
Why on Earth would you choose to be sad?
Self-acceptance is sexy. Confidence is cool. Crushing on your own self-confidence is even cooler.
Spoiler alert: This isn’t about turning you into a raging narcissist.
No way! While you should totally love and adore yourself, no one’s telling you to care only about yourself! We’re building a solid foundation, remember? That’s not the whole house! Where you go after laying down that strong foundation in terms of a healthy relationship with yourself is to keep building…i.e., building relationships with other people.
By all means, have room in your heart for other people. Just stop putting everyone else’s wants, needs and rights before your own all the time.
Be willing to put down the crown of thorns you’ve been wearing and get down off the cross, girl. We need the wood.
And no one wants to be around the girl who doesn’t even want to be around herself.
So, it’s time to woo YOU, so that you’re happy with yourself and capable of being happy with others…who are happy and healthy in their own right. It’s a circular phenomenon. Break the circle and the magic won’t work for you.
Suggested reading: The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, by Brene Brown, Ph.D., L.M.S.W., available on Amazon.
